Things you don’t need to worry about in therapy
Being yourself can be surprisingly difficult, even in a room you’ve specifically booked for that purpose.
You might be very good at making yourself acceptable to other people. Reading their reactions. Choosing your words carefully. Being "reasonable" about things that have really hurt you. Making a joke just as you’re about to cry, or explaining why someone probably didn’t mean it like that, before you’ve had a chance to admit what it felt like.
Those reflexes come with you into therapy. You might know you’re welcome to be candid, angry, confused or upset, and still find yourself offering a carefully edited account. Perhaps with an apology for taking up the time you’re actually paying for.
Being seen more fully can feel exposing. Especially if you’ve learnt that certain feelings make you "difficult", that your needs ask "too much", or that keeping a relationship means having to edit some of yourself out of it.
An invitation to “just be yourself” asks rather a lot when you’ve spent years working out which bits of yourself it’s acceptable to show, and which bits feel shameful to admit to.
My job is to make room for you and take care of what makes that room possible: listening carefully, taking you seriously, keeping clear boundaries and being willing to hear when I’ve misunderstood. Your part is to begin using that space, including the parts you might instinctively try to cover up or to leave behind.
That can take practice. You can catch yourself saying “It’s fine” and then tell me it really isn’t. You can admit that you’re angry with someone you love, pleased about something you think sounds petty, or unsure whether you agree with me. You can leave a thought unfinished while we work out what you’re trying to say.
You can also tell me that being this open feels far too uncomfortable today. We can start there.
Give yourself permission to turn up in all your glorious, imperfect human-ness. The contradictions, the mess, the feelings you wish you didn’t have. There’s room for all of that.
And if taking up that room is hard, let’s get curious about why. You don’t have to become comfortable with vulnerability before we can begin exploring it together.
