Are you tired of explaining?

You mention your illness, and suddenly everyone has a cousin, a supplement or a documentary you really must watch.

Sometimes it comes from genuine care. People want to help; they may feel helpless or unsure what to say. A misguided, clumsy attempt to show they're interested, that they think about you. You can appreciate that care and still be exhausted by yet another conversation about what you really ought to try and another person's feelings that you have to now manage.

Especially when you’re already managing symptoms, appointments, practical difficulties and the uncertainty of what your body will allow today.

Cancelling plans isn't a random passing whim. It hurts you, too. You may have been looking forward to that evening for weeks. Saying “I can’t” might involve disappointment, guilt and the familiar worry that someone will eventually stop inviting you, unless you ignore your own boundaries and your own needs and you push yourself beyond your capacity. Over and over again.

And sometimes you explain because connection matters. You want the people you love to understand enough to stay close, include you and take your needs seriously. Having to keep making that case can feel terribly lonely and the fact that you do it over and over and over just emphasises the gaping chasm in understanding your experience. Everyone wants to be believed. Everyone wants to be respected. Everyone wants to be understood.

In therapy, we can make room for the anger, sadness, affection and frustration that can all exist in the same relationship. We can explore boundaries, asking for support, changes in identity and the grief that illness can bring.

You are the expert in what living with your health condition is really like. Therapy cannot change the reality of your health but it can provide a supportive, understanding and gentle place where we can explore what you need, make room for how you really feel and find ways to make life less demanding, without adding another expectation for you to live up to.

I offer one-to-one counselling in Penrith and online across the UK. Contact me to arrange a free 15-minute Zoom call.